AITA- Mother’s Day might be a let down - May 2023 Babies | Forums | What to Expect (2024)

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AITA- Mother’s Day might be a let down - May 2023 Babies | Forums | What to Expect (1)

May 2023 Babies

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newboymum2023

I will preface this by saying that I’ve generally been feeling exhausted and tired lately. So I may be more emotionally vulnerable right now…but I’m really worried that my first Mother’s Day is going to be an absolute disappointment. My mum and mother-in-law have been asking repeatedly what our plans are for Mother’s Day so that they can plan something around it given it is my first one. Each time I ask my husband he just says “nup, I haven’t planned anything”…which is really deflating. My parents are unwell so we won’t be seeing them. Given we don’t have plans, my in laws said they will come over. My MIL said, since you don’t have plans we will come over and we can get takeaway from either shop A or B, your choice. The same two places we always get takeaway from no matter what the occasion. I’m grateful that at least my MIL thought it was an occasion worth celebrating even if it isn’t how I wanted to.

What I’m upset about is that my husband planned NOTHING! I have been asking him for input for what to do for the grandmothers as it is their first Mother’s Day as grandmothers. You would think he’d take the hint. But no, nothing. Instead I’m doing everything to plan their gifts. I felt so upset, I asked him if he even got me anything or if I needed to adjust my expectations for Sunday. He said yes! Of course I’ve gotten something for you but I’m sorry I won’t arrive until the day after. I was so relieved that I wasn’t forgotten. BUT then, later today he came up and gave me a box saying that thankfully the package arrived today. He insisted I open it…it was…drum roll please…a mug.

I feel deflated again.

For his First Father’s Day, I actually asked what he wanted. I got him that, plus framed photos of him with our son as a newborn plus a personalised key ring. There was a special afternoon tea to celebrate him and the new grandfathers. I organised the grandfathers’ gifts alone too.

I just don’t think he’s going to do anything else and I feel really upset by it…AITA?

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ladebrouillarde

You have to tell your husband that you are expecting something. He’s not emotionally intelligent.

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ladebrouillarde

@newboymum2023,

I mean you have to tell him that you expect to spend quality time as a family that involves something to make you feel special. I get that it feels weird to have to communicate that but it’s clearly lacking in your relationship. He is completely clueless about your feelings.

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kaliella

@ladebrouillarde,

He is completely clueless about everything if he's not intelligent enough to realize that his partner might want to feel special on her first Mother's Day after a challenging year raising an infant.

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RougeLuna02

I don’t have any advice, but I’m in the same boat with you! I know my mom and MIL got me something, but I highly doubt my partner has. I helped him find his mom something, and his SIL, I got my moms on my own. But he’s someone who if I don’t tell me straight up what I want, he’s literally clueless! Sometimes I just want a pleasant surprise but he acts like he doesn’t know what I like and want �� I also got him good Father’s Day gifts last year, I feel like it’s not too much to ask lol

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KChambers20

I have an almost 3 year old and now our 1 year old. My first Mother’s Day my husband didn’t even say happy Mother’s Day to me. We went to his grandparents house and celebrated his grandma and his mom. The year after he got me bath salt and it was the same kind be got his mom �� I was so mad. My mom on my first Mother’s Day got me earrings in my son’s birthstone and flowers. She had even asked my husband if she wanted her to pick up the matching necklace. He said no he had it taken care of. He never did anything. My expectations are very low this year. My husband is not a huge fan of holidays and honestly has always been that way for 11 years. His dad also does the bare minimum so I know that’s just how he was brought up. I hope that your husband has something planned for you and that he’s just trying to surprise you by acting like he doesn’t have anything ready for you!

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Mommatobe051223

This blows my mind that moms aren’t being appreciated! Last Mother’s Day I was in the hospital (had son on 12th, wasn’t discharged till late on 14th.) so I didn’t get to have a Mother’s Day. This year my son’s birthday is on Mother’s Day LOL! Obviously I will be giving that day to baby boy since it’s his 1st birthday. But my husband INSISTED that Saturday was my Mother’s Day, bc I still deserve a whole day to myself to appreciate all I’ve done for our son this last year. Last night he gave me a gift& it was a new HUGE make up vanity, so I don’t have to stand& do my make up anymore. He has 3 other gifts for tomorrow& he is giving me a back massage, making me breakfast, letting me sleep in, we are going to dinner, is not letting me change sons diaper the whole day. I mean the whole day he has planned from the moment I wake up.

& you know what I deserve this… ALL moms deserve this. We go above& beyond for dads on Father’s Day bc we UNDERSTAND that each parent gets to be celebrated one day a year to glorify the fact that you have sacrificed your whole life for your children (which is obviously a blessing lol.) it makes me sad when I hear people talking about all the things they have done for dads…. Yet moms get forgotten like every other day!! Ugh. I’m so sorry you’re going through this& I would definitely be having a conversation w/ my husband, if this is how it was going.

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happyandsick

I’m sorry. My love language is gifts and quality time so this would be horrible for me. I would definitely talk to him and say something like: “I am so disappointed that I have to tell you this because I feel like you should understand this already based on my own actions and words, but I need you to celebrate Mother’s Day for me to the same if not to a greater extent that we celebrate it for your mother or Father’s Day for you. I’m talking lots of special time together, more thoughtful gifts like (this this or this)—like you are celebrating my birthday or something. You may think it’s silly, but I absolutely do not and it’s critical to me that you do this for me. Please do this every year on Mother’s Day so I don’t have to keep reminding you, because I feel embarrassed to even ask this—but it’s something that I need, okay?”

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xLanax

start keeping an Amazon wishlist for yourself of gifts you would like and send it to him prior to every holiday

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coast2coastgaby

I am not expecting anything from my partner for Mother’s Day. Though it is my first one, I just know he’s not a great planner the same way I am, and knowing and accepting this beforehand will allow me to avoid any type of disappointment for the occasion. I know if I mention to him I want this or I want to go there, he will work on making sure it’s fulfilled, but otherwise he’s as good as clueless. I haven’t expressed any desire to receive anything or do anything specific so if all he has for me this Sunday is flowers or a coffee mug then I will still be grateful.

You are NTA for wanting to be celebrated by your husband. Mamas work incredibly hard year round, and one day to acknowledge and celebrate this is the least we deserve. You especially since you coordinated a nice Father’s Day for him last year. But if he’s clueless like mine is, you need to openly communicate what your expectations are. Hugs to you mama, I hope things get better!

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Newmommy123456789

Even the most high functioning husband needs guidance. Say I want to do xyz. Prep this and that for the baby .

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gew5072

Mother’s Day is always going to be a disappointment IMO. This is just my two cents but I learned early this is a Hallmark holiday and people set expectations way too high for this day. I totally get wanting to do something to celebrate, but I’ve learned it’s better to rely for those things for bigger days like anniversaries, birthdays, etc.

Mother’s Day just seems like a trap to piss off women everywhere ��

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oc614

I truly think it is rare for a man to really go out of his way and come up with this stuff in his own. My husband and I have had many conversations about birthdays, holidays, etc. his parents weren’t around much and they didn’t really do anything for holidays so it’s unnatural for him. He wants me to feel loved and celebrated but I have to be specific about how.

I’ve made it clear I would like flowers & a card, him to wake up with the kids (he does this other times too) I would like some time to myself that day and then time as a family. If I don’t explicitly tell him what I want then I know I will be disappointed.

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