As an automotive writer, I get paid to drive brand-new cars – typically before they hit the showroom floors -- and, yeah,someof them are quite posh. Here's how it works: Typically I keep and test the vehicle for a week,running it through its paces, scribbling notes, doing a photo shootand eventually writing a review that gets published throughasyndicated news service or in Seven, a New Orleans-based men’s lifestyle magazine (http://bit.ly/17llFqa). I’m not looking for sympathy but the process is a lot more involved than it looks. For instance, when I come across truly bad stuff, as a journalist I have to point it out without going totally Gordon Ramsey on 'em , as I did in a review of the mostly laudable Chrysler 300S entry-level luxury sedan: “The gear shifter seems too cheap and wobbly for a car with this much aspiration. I mean, it’s the same one used in the Dodge Durango for crying out loud -- c’mon, guys!” But this postisn’t about the best (or worst) cars I’ve ever driven but rather my 10 favorite driving experiences (in no particular order). Read on and see what you think …
1. LAUNCH ENGAGEMENT: Porsche 911 Twin-Turbo Cabriolet
Two words: Launch control. This is thename of a feature in the 911 twin-turbo that propels you like an ICBM from 0-to-60 in -- ready for this? -- 2.7 seconds. (Only the $1.7 million Bugatti Veyron is faster – 2.4 seconds). No squealing or spinning tires in this all-wheel-drive road demon. Onlysudden, powerful, magnificent thrust, as though you’re being taken by Athena herself. The feeling is so beautiful you'll be the one crying afterwards. To make Launch Control work, I simply depressed the clutch and revved the engine to 5,000 rpms. When I released the clutch, I felt the full fury of500 blistering horses and 480 pound-feet of torque, delivered evenly to all four wheels, grip the road like eagle talons.With a top speed of 194 mph, the scenery (and your face) inside this convertible quickly begins to melt like a watch in a Dali painting.Bliss thy name is Porsche 911 twin-turbo. Is it worth the $164,000 sticker shock? As if you need to ask.
2. TURF'S UP!:Range Rover
Unfortunately,most people drive Britain’s pre-eminent luxury SUV like wusses, gingerly crossing railroad tracks or sheepishly pulling into gravel parking lots at soccer games. Granted there is no mistaking the smooth-as-silk, luxury sedan-like ride or Range Rover’s smoking jacket-like interior refinements.But the allure for me has always been the fact thatLand Rover/Range Rover'sironclad claim to off-road throwdown supremacy has been etched in stone for decades followingnumeroustest-drive safaris through some of the world’s most unforgiving terrains. While I don’t have the North African desert or Panama’s infamous Darrien Gap at my disposal, I pride myself on finding creativeways to beat up Range Rovers (the Sport, Supercharged and Evoque, for instance) because quite simply they arethe toughest SOB of an SUV ever manufactured. Favorite locales?The Bonnet Carré Spillway and southeast Louisiana'sswamps, all of which routinely give my test Roversa run for the money. No, I've never "lost" one, but I keep trying. Meantimethe experience is always ahelluva lot of fun.
3. JEEP TRICK:Jeep Wrangler Unlimited Sahara
[NOTE: Yep that's me behind the steering wheel in the above pictures. Photo credit: Cathy Jacob Gaffney]
Boy did this city slicker and off-road virgin get lucky when a pair of living-large Mississippi guys agreed to take me under their wings for an afternoon of trail-blazing 4x4 fun in 250 acres of backwoods on a specially designed, six-mile trail with more steep hills and plunging doomsday pits than you can shake abarbecue pitat. My traveling companion screamed more than once as I bolted up inclines so steep the only thing we could see through the windshield was blue Mississippi sky. All of which is why this dirt-eating bushwhacker’s legendary (and hardcore) 4x4 prowess – due in no small part to its extra-low gear ratio that digs deep into the very mechanical soul of this vehicle -- is so well deserved. Every time I'm behind the wheel of a rugged Wrangler I feel like there isn't any obstacle I can't tackle. And isn't this why welike them?
4. SNAKE BITE!:Dodge Viper SRT-10
I quickly discovered that this American supercar requires the driver’s full attention -- one false move, Mr.Zippy, and you’re spinning into the Twilight Zone. WhenI pushed the two-seat convertible Viper SRT-10 with the top down and in third gear past 5,000 rpms, I experienced what itmust sound like to have your head only inches away from a Pratt & Whitney 737 jet engine. It’s just insane metal machine music. Thanks to an 8.4-liter V-10 boasting 600 horsepower and 560 pound-feet of torque that can rip stars out of black holes, the Dodge Viper soon becamethe most primal, raw and (truth be told) scary-ass driving machineI had ever experienced. Consider: Without modern-day StabiliTrak and other traction control features, this rear-wheel-drive Godzilla of G-forces is a barely controllable hell-monster. Even though I had no intention ofhitting the top-tested track speed of 202 mph, I felt as though I should have beenwearing a helmet. (“I’m getting brain damage from the wind,” my traveling companion said in a long straightaway.) Perhaps it’s best to think of the $97,000 Viper, pure overkill in every great sense of the word, as a race car that happens to come with air conditioning and a cigar lighter.
5. KIDS IN THE HAUL:Dodge Grand Caravan
As a rule, I hate minivans as much as the next guy. But my attitude changed the day this non-parent spent with his young nieces and nephews in towduring a lengthytest drive in and around New Orleans thatincluded the French Quarter (and, naturally,the occasional request to“cover your eyes, kids!”). Far from being a symbol of suburban inside-the-box thinking, I discovered that the Dodge Caravan offered a teachable moment.This is what I learned: In some ways a minivan can be like a rolling version of an early 20th-century Parisian salon: Kids’ Edition. Sure there is bound to be the occasional wrestling match whenever the pint-sized Ernest Hemingways and Pablo Picassos of the group get too tweaked on chocolate milk. But if you’re really lucky the gang’s equally diminutive Gertrude Stein will be on hand to enlighten you on everything worth knowing about herself. “I don’t swallow gum — ever,” the oldest niecesaid gazing out the window. “It’s just not me.”
6. SCREAM MACHINE:Porsche Carrera S
It was a dream come true when I got the chance to take the 400-horsepower, 3.8-liter Carrera S out to NOLA Motorsports Park (http://bit.ly/12x2JVv)for some Formula 1-like laps, especially when I hit the 2.75-mile straightaway and watched the tach needle fly to the 7,500-rpm redline during quick shifts into seventh gear -- all of which left even yours truly muttering a little prayer. Because sometimes enough simply ain't enough, I pushed the "more noise" button, which activated a much louder engine exhaust note, seemingly designed for those who have ever wondered what it would sound like to "drive" an F-18 Super Hornet. (Did I forget to pack a parachute?) After this kind of experience, the first words out of my mouth about this chariot of fire were not about the split-folding rear seats or the USB port.
7.HAY, TOUGH GUY:Ram 3500 Crew Cab
A loafer-wearing clown vivant like myself was virtually guaranteed to find a bit daunting the prospect of spending the week test driving a heavy-duty pickup truck the size of an adolescent woolly mammoth. All the more so after Ifactored in the Texas-themed leather upholstery with faux barbed-wire details and Laramie Longhorn badging on seatbacks and floor mats designed to look like oversized Western belt buckles. No, I’m not kidding. But my luck changed when a rancher who raises Brahmans at her farm agreed to let me come out and test the Ram 3500 top-trim Laramie Longhorn in its natural habitat – you know, like, doing tough stuff. The best part of the day was when I got the itch to test out its legendary payload capacity (2,790 pounds). With glee I watched as the jolly rancher used a tractor to drop a 1,700-pound bale of hay into the cargo bay before I tooled around the property testing the Ram’s whopping 800 pound-feet of torque, powered by a 6.7-liter, inline six-cylinder Cummins diesel engine. This Ram didn't even flinch.
8. BAVARIAN BEAUTIES – BMW 750Li and Audi A8
So, shoot me -- I couldn’t make up my mind about these two uber-luxury, European super tourers. But it’s for good reason. Both of these top-tierGerman sedans seem to literally float down the road with superbly tuned, adaptive air suspensions accompanied by orchestral engine notes so smooth and sweet that I swore I was hearing what I had tasted the first-ever time I tried cognac. Yet I also learnedthat the $99,000 BMW’s4.4-liter turbocharged V-8 and the $89,000 Audi Quattro’s 4.2-liter V-8, can churn out road-hammering bravado at the drop of the pedal -- quickly (and effortlessly) surpassing 130 mph without the driving even knowing it. I loved the jaw-dropping luxurythat abounds in both. The A8 boasts front-seat massagers and a 22-way climate-controlled leather driver’s seat. In the 750Li the horn doesn’t merely honk -- how déclassé — but rather sounds like a French trumpet blowing a crisp C-sharp note, while the Gentleman’s Function allows the driver to control the front-passenger seat ("More lumbar support, Frau Blücher? Please, allow me").
9. BOY MEETS GRILLE:Chrysler 300C
When did Uncle Chrysler Golf Pants become so freakin’ cool? This luxury urban road machine just oozes after-midnight sex appeal. From the 300C’s classically styled, seven-tier waterfall grille to its masculine road presence and muscular bravado in all the right places, this $43,000 entry-level luxury sedan is one smooth jewel of a highway cruiser and back-a-towntrawler thanks to its brawny 5.7-liter Hemi V-8. For me the 300C is a succinct pleasure to drive in part because it’s an unabashed muscle-meets-luxury footprint of street-wise cool in an American landscape seemingly dominated by cute little sedans and curvy crossovers, most of which haven’t boasted that new-car testosterone scentin years. Truth be told, this week I realized just how much my own everyday car by comparison now seems like a little pink tricycle (briiing, briiing!).
10. PURR-FECT STORM:Jaguar XKR-S Convertible
Jaguar in so many ways isn’t merely a luxury performance car but an extension of British culture itself. Especially if you’re driving the sleek and sexy XKR-S, with its oh-so-English Bowers & Wilkens 14-speaker audio system while listening to a BBC World Serviceprogram on the history of pigeon racing.
Interviewer: “Do you think the Queen needs to get involved in this?”
Guest: “I think the Queen is already very, very keen on pigeons.”
With its feline-sleek, Aston Martin-ish bodylines, this eye-catching $150,000 kitty plays for keeps. From its handsome, double-stitched leather dash, accented with burnished and textured alloy trim, to its “piano black” polished wood accents and elegantly traditional black-and-tan palette, the interior of the XKR-S is a fitting tribute to understated British sensibilities. Ironically, the powerplant in full throttle more resembles a take-no-prisoners American muscle car with its growly, in-your-face boisterousness, thanks to a 5.0-liter supercharged V-8 that spits out 550 horses and is capable of a 0-to-60 sprint in 4.3 seconds. Top speed: 186 mph. Blimey! All I can tell you is that I loved every nanosecond behind the wheel.
Next week: Part II – my favorite automotive photo shoots!
